It would be a lie to say that the topic of weight loss plays no role in my work with clients. It does and that’s perfectly fine. The desire to lose weight is allowed to exist. Especially when excess weight is present, it’s not only understandable but legitimate. Arguing it away or judging it morally would be neither honest nor helpful. What I don’t do, however, is make it the goal.

Because in my experience, behind the desire to lose weight there is almost always something else and that is exactly where we need to look first.

Do you know this feeling? On one hand, you desperately want to get healthy; on the other, your thoughts still revolve almost exclusively around weight. This conflict is real and it’s not a sign that something is wrong with you. I know from my own experience how exhausting it is to carry both at the same time: the desire for healing and the fear of what healing might bring with it.

What your feel-good weight is not

Social formulas and index values try to press the “right” weight into a simple equation. What’s completely missing: the human being behind it. These definitions are blanket, context-free and say very little about how you’re actually doing. Most of us trust these standards more than our own bodies and that is exactly the problem.

Weight loss shouldn’t play a role on the path to healing

Easier said than done. Reaching or maintaining a certain body ideal is a central theme in most eating issues, one you can’t simply leave behind at the push of a button. Many people know the inner conflict between the desire for healing and the fear of losing control over their weight.

The difficulty is that weight and healing are often confused with each other.

While thoughts frequently revolve around the number on the scale, the path to healing is initially about something else: nourishing the body adequately again, building trust and developing a new relationship with food.

Healing therefore doesn’t show itself primarily on the scale. It shows itself in food taking up less space in your head, in the constant struggle growing quieter and in life gradually being allowed to revolve around more than weight, control and the next meal.

What your feel-good weight can be

For many people, weight settles at a more stable point in the long term once they begin nourishing their body better again. How this process unfolds is highly individual and depends on many factors that can’t always be influenced. This is not a question of failure, but of the complexity of the human body.

The so-called intuitive feel-good weight describes a state in which your body can function well with a balanced, intuitive way of eating. What’s interesting is that this weight cannot be determined in advance through a simple calculation. Rather, it can crystallize over time and remain relatively stable. There are a few signs by which you might recognize that your feel-good weight has established itself:

The weight becomes more stable over time. This doesn’t mean it no longer changes, but it seems less susceptible to the highs and lows of everyday life: stressful phases, vacations, changes in eating behavior or exercise no longer lead to the same strong fluctuations as before. At the same time, thoughts around food and weight take up less and less space in life.

Four possible characteristics of your personal feel-good weight

Mental wellbeing

Once your body is adequately nourished, this can have a positive effect on your psyche. Many people report greater inner stability and resilience in the face of everyday challenges. A sense of having more access to one’s own resources can emerge, along with the ability to shape life more actively.

Balanced energy levels

A body that is adequately nourished often has more energy for the demands of daily life. This doesn’t mean there are no more fluctuations. Nevertheless, many report less exhaustion, more stable performance and a more balanced energy level throughout the day.

Emotional stability

Believing that a certain body weight will make you happy in the long run is pure wishful thinking. Many people do experience, however, that more inner calm emerges when the body is adequately nourished and cared for. Thoughts around food, weight, and control often lose intensity, so that feelings are less determined by these topics. What this process looks like is individual and cannot be pinned to a specific number on the scale.

The role of numbers recedes

Even if you can barely imagine it right now: the number on the scale can lose significance over time. Other changes move to the foreground: a more stable sense of body, a more relaxed relationship with food and the experience that life no longer has to constantly revolve around weight and control. Many people find that these changes become more important in the long run than the number on the scale.

What this means for people with significant excess weight

Most people with significant excess weight have already made countless attempts to lose weight. Diets, restriction, calorie counting, constantly renewed hope and yet you often end up at the same point again. That’s frustrating and eventually you start to believe something is wrong with you. But it’s not that simple.

The human body is far more complex than many diet promises would have us believe. It cannot be shaped and controlled at will. That’s why lost weight returns for many people again and again. The regulation of body weight is a complex process influenced by numerous factors.

Not every body will lose weight when it is better nourished, according to one's own wishes. And saying that openly is important to me, because false promises help no one.

What can change, however – completely independent of weight – is the relationship with your own body and with food. The constant struggle can grow quieter and the exhausting control can lose its significance. More trust and a better understanding of one’s own needs can emerge, through which many people find more peace with their own body. And sometimes that is exactly the change we were actually looking for all along.

Conclusion

For many people, their personal feel-good weight is characterized by becoming more constant. I remember exactly how my weight used to be quickly influenced by external factors: stressful phases drove the numbers up, on vacation I tended to experience the opposite. Today I experience significantly more stability than before, but I say that not as a promise, but as my personal experience. What this path looks like for you may be different and that doesn’t make it any less right.

By “more stable” I don’t mean that the pointer on the scale stands still, every body is subject to natural fluctuations. On balance, however, the weight goes neither strongly upward nor extremely downward.

If you feel that you need support along the way, that is not a sign of weakness but of self-knowledge. This can mean therapeutic support, coaching, or both.

This is exactly what we work on in my psychological coaching. Through my unique method combining scientifically grounded psychological work with yoga and somatic practices, you learn to nourish yourself from the inside out and develop a relationship with food free from suffering. Feel free to reach out for a no-obligation, free introductory conversation.